The 34 funniest search queries so far

10,000 lucky people have found BlogStorm via search engines in the last 3 months, not all of the search terms were what you might expect from an internet marketing blog and some were just too funny.

If you want to see what I blogged about to rank for these strange queries click here to read all 200 posts.

Here are the pick of the bunch:

“human powered search market”

“mahalo fail”

Jason, is that you?

john chow + matt cutts

Best friends forever.

10,000 one way links

Wow. Let me know when you find them.

“sphinn vs digg”

I don’t think you’re quite there yet Danny.

“lets have sex”

Not tonight, thanks for the offer.

“ebay stolen”

Really? Who took it?

“how to have internet sex”

Maybe in a few years time.

“what is the use google”

John Chow is that you?

“wikipedia facebook”

SEO nightmare?

“buying stolen caravans”

Not really recommended…

“caravan stolen what to do”

Buy it back on ebay.

“cookie stuffing +affiliates +wikipedia”

Pretty sure the Wikipedia editors won’t like that.

“get sued for linkbuilding”

Not gonna happen.

“google hack porn pictures”

What ever floats your boat. Try MSN hack porn as well.

“how to make money from reading books”

“making money by reading ads”

Not going to make you rich very quickly. The guy who searched for information on how to “make money from paper” is at least on the right track.

“how to take the picture of my penis”

“normal people penis photo”

????

“google sell links $2000″

If they pass PR please let me know. Don’t tell Matt though.

“gay cruising in the uk”

“free homemade dog food recipes”

“ferret tracking device”

“famous people penis pictures”

Pretty sure BlogStorm didn’t answer these queries.

“make Â£10,000 in 3 days”

“make Â£50,000 in two weeks”

Just what I like to see. A long term strategy.

“why people take pictures”

Not sure. Maybe to preserve the moment?

“john chow” slap

John isn’t to everyones taste but that’s a bit harsh.

“perez hilton” nude pics

Most people prefer Paris but each to their own.

“are .biz domains any good for a google consultant”

Not really. Its all about branding you see.

“1 billion email addresses”

Give me your email address and $10 and I’ll send them over.

“can you take pic with webcams”

Err…yes.

“do people really read blogs”

Not sure. You tell me.

Thanks to John from Silvelox wooden garage doors for the idea.

BY Patrick Altoft AT 10:48am ON Thursday, 27 September 2007

Patrick Altoft is Director of Search at Branded3 and has worked in the SEO industry for over 10 years. With experience across some of the worlds largest brands as well as startup businesses Patrick is well known in the industry and speaks regularly at the major SEO conferences and events. Follow Patrick on Twitter or Google+

Comments

http://bloghash.com Raj

You have got some very funny ones out there! Your comments on those are even better ;)
http://AskReaMaor.com Rea Maor

it’s always funny to see Long Tail keywords and their evolution, i’ve got some of the weirdest search terms EVER and only god know how they found my site with it…
http://joetech.com JoeTech.com

“lets have sex”… I think someone was propositioning Google.
http://dalehay.com DaleHay.com

He He, You have a bunch of right weird ones there.
Lisa Christine

This is too funny! I actually don’t remember how I found your site. But I assure you it was not using any of those keyword phrases.

I enjoy your blog and read it often.

Lisa
http://froggblog.leapfrogg.co.uk/ Simon Dance

ha ha… excellent.

I will certainly be keeping a “very” close eye on our users search terms.

I love the “how to have internet sex” – what if he or she ever found out…!

Si
http://oldschoolseo.com/ Anthony

hmm, I guess I should look over your site a bit more closely to find the related content
http://askTheAdmin.com AskTheAdmin

Great sense of humor! We enjoy your site over @ AskTheAdmin.
http://londoncokehead.blogspot.com/ lch

Ha… You think your searches are bad mate

http://londoncokehead.blogspot.com/search?q=strange+searches

Also: FYI Perez Hilton is actually a blog title
http://krishashok.wordpress.com Ashok

Hilarious. I keep a separate page for such interesting queries that lead to my blog. It’s here
Stu

First time I’ve visited your site (via digg) and I can’t help but wonder what you blog about to get found with such obscure search queries
http://melissa.misstuned.com Melissa

“can you take pic with webcams”

Ahh, what a great question. You certainly have a good few weird queries to find your website. Strangely enough somebody found my site with the “ferret tracking device” one too. Weird!
http://freetube.110mb.com Simolians

Lol great list, there are some really unusual search queries. Ask.com long ago used to have a self-refreshing page that would show queries as they happen, I remember just looking at all the absurd things that were being looked up (you could also see the results they found). The interesting part was that you would see some one look for something weird, and then they would probably go to one of the results, and then come back to the search engine and ask something like “I want x, but not the first site you showed me”. lol they’d continue this for a bit until they realized that it wasn’t helping by literally entering “show me something different”
http://webtekconcepts.com Justin

I get stuff like this all the time as well. Normally it’s link spam. You should have seen my wife’s face when I showed her some of the stuff that was hitting my site – classic.
http://yowazzup.com/ James

hilarious! you got some pretty funny ones for an Internet marketing blog. I wonder what’s the relation between those search terms and Internet marketing.
http://www.TidyBBS.com/ Boulderdash

Very funny indeed!
http://bilirkishi.com bilirkishi

i’ll start to cry
Chris

“buying stolen caravans”
Not really recommended…

“caravan stolen what to do”
Buy it back on ebay.

Uhh, maybe these two are linked somehow.
http://leroux.ca/ WTL

I should do the same thing with my site. Some of the search terms are hilarious.
http://atmaxplorer.com/ syl3rblade

“how to take the picture of my penis”
“normal people penis photo”
????
—
LOL
http://kuier.co.za Gerhard

“wikipedia facebook”
SEO nightmare?

lol that one made me laugh out loud!
http://alifelessordinary.com/ Thomas J. Brown

I just did this on my blog recently. It’s amazing what some people look for…
http://ravngr.com Chris

It’s ridiculous how loose the search on Google can be sometimes. Just going be by site, people have linked to it while looking up all sorts of things, none of which have anything to do with the site. Never got anything as funny as these though!
http://acreativedesktop.com Austin

So now are you going to be creating some rich tutorials on these search hits to satisfy your some of your visitors needs?
http://tvdeuce.com Clint

Claire Huxtable’s Toes is the best one on my site. Funny thing is that it’s popped up more than once.
http://whichwebsite.com mikey

Actually looing back at some of the Google searches on my stats they are quite interesting, either way they still came accross http://www.WhichWebsite.com
http://sex.health-guide.in Venkatakrishna Nalamothu

Your comments are really funny along with readers search queries
Thanks for internet for revealing people’s inner thoughts
http://turtlebutt.wordpress.com Kurt

That’s great. It’s strange what people type into their search engines…
http://eugenef.com Nature Wallpaper

awesome results, lol!!
http://anunturi-gratuite.prahova-online.com/ emil

“how to take the picture of my penis” …that’s a cool search
http://howtomakemoneywithgoogleadsense.org how to make money

Man you never know how people search you….
but one thing is for sure you optimize your title for this
http://heardspace.sulehosting.co.za Ronald

lol @ this one….
“gay cruising in the uk”
“free homemade dog food recipes”
“ferret tracking device”
“famous people penis pictures”
http://emersondirect.net emerson direct

wikipedia facebook”
SEO nightmare?

“how to take the picture of my penis”
“normal people penis photo”
????

Made me cry with laughter
http://techmalaya.com syahid ali

lol. this post made my day.
http://xanersoft.com SEO

Wow, can’t think of such queries. Nice collection. how you got the list. I’ll sure write them on my Website Design site.
http://www.webefforts.co.uk Max Worton

hey, I would change “10,000 lucky people have found BlogStorm” to “10,000 VERY lucky people have found BlogStorm”
http://stetoscope-blog.com stetoscope

I came there with “marketing blog” !
What a pity !
hummpfff
http://www.ambergreeninternetmarketing.com Jennifer Mckay (uncontrolled

Thats hilarious!!
http://www.ambergreeninternetmarketing.com Jennifer Mckay (uncontrolled)

Thats hilarious!
http://www.sindiket.com Mohd Firuz Fahmi Yusoff

hahaha..this is funny… i heard that someone search the most popular guy on the planet..
http://carsandcoolstuff.blogspot.com Chris

The stuff people search for…..just slightly on the disturbing side? the caravan bits were properly funny though
http://www.tradebit.com/filedetail.php/6473366-frank-kern-s-mass-control-revealed- pecno1

Your comments are really funny along with readers search queries
Thanks for internet for revealing peopleâ€™s inner thoughts
http://www.oferta-imobiliare.ro/ imobiliare

hahaha very funny :)

The 34 funniest search queries so far

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