21 More Really Funny Search Queries

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  • November 9, 2007

After the success of the first round of funny search queries I’ve trawled through the BlogStorm logs once again to find 21 More Really Funny Search Queries.

My conclusion after writing this post is that a lot of people on the internet are weird and that BlogStorm probably isn’t doing a very good job of answering peoples questions when they search for this stuff.

“a picture”

Try to be more specific

“answer my question”

Taking that attitude isn’t going to help.

“asking my wife to take nude photos”

Try buying her some flowers first.

“big penis photograph”

How big do you want? Will 800×1200 pixels do?

“blog your way to a top job”

If only it was that easy

“buy cheap sell for lots”

My first stockbroker visitor.

“can somebody explain what astro physics is all about”

Err, probably not. I’ve got a degree in it but that’s about it.

“cheese website with live feed”

Who the hell would make a cheese website with a live feed? Oh, wait.

“directory submissions matt cutts”

Man, that guy does everything nowadays.

“-1 google page rank”

Wow that’s bad, how many links did you sell???

“funny penis recipes”

I can’t imagine that ever being funny.

“got a car- need to make money”

Try being a taxi driver

“how do you turn people in a picture naked”

Wow, that would be some cool software. Imagine being able to take a picture of clothed people and make them naked. A real Photoshop killer.

“how to get a body like johnny wilkinson”

I’m guessing training 8 hours a day with a rugby team will do it.

“misspelling for seo”

Try oes or eso.

“people love to take picture with their penis”

I’ve been trying to get mine to learn how to work a camera for years.

“photo of my penis”

Imagine if you searched for that and Google actually found some correct results!

“how to have good sex”

“how to have amazing sex”

“how to have sex on top”

“different phrases for “lets have sex””

This was the same IP, queries listed in the order they were performed.

If you have some funny queries post them on your blog and let’s see who has the funniest.

Patrick Altoft

About Patrick Altoft

Patrick is the Director of Strategy at Branded3 and has spent the last 11 years working on the SEO strategies of some of the UK's largest brands. Patrick’s SEO knowledge and experience is highly regarded by many, and he’s regularly invited to speak at the world’s biggest search conferences and events.

  • http://askshane.org/ Shane
  • http://caroline-middlebrook.com/blog/ Caroline Middlebrook

    Lol anyone would think this was a porn site based on those queries!

  • http://komarketingassociates.com/blog CasieG

    Ok, I know you said to put it on our blog but we really didn’t have that many random ones and they certainly weren’t as funny as these. However, I came across this one that’s pretty good “sometimes when I am alone I Google myself”…who doesn’t really?

  • http://nusuni.com Jeremy Steele

    That’s nothing – I’ve gotten “Dog fucking a chicken” before.

  • http://quenet.org/ British Columbia Photography

    I always love viewing the keyphrases that land on my page. I setup a Photography Blog in July, and I’ve had some funny ones. Here are some classics:
    finding weed vancouver island (Better luck on a street corner), caught off uculet b.c (fishing town), photo restaurant the bonfire vancouver (?!), and nothing funny then when Live.com starts to rank for one word phrases like comments, or island.

  • http://bloggin-ads.com Mike Huang

    HAHA! This post is soooo true.


  • http://dazzlindonna.com/blog/ DazzlinDonna

    When I LOL in real life, you know…laugh OUT LOUD, which some would call cackling like a hen, then something was really freaking funny. I just spent the last couple of minutes howling with laughter – very loudly. Thanks!

  • http://jonksbargains.com Jonk : Bargains

    Funny post

    My brother has done a few posts about weird stories involving cats. As a result he gets all sorts of search queries involving cats and sex. Really quite bizarre.

  • http://needcoffee.com Widgett Walls

    Well, we had a go. Sort of had to after reading this.

  • http://seomization.blogspot.com/ seoz87

    lols…simply cool

  • http://usereffect.com Dr. Pete

    I’m still trying to figure out this one from my blog: “how many dirty test until you get violated”. Can’t say I’ve ever taken a dirty test, but I wasn’t violated at the SAT, ACT or GRE.

  • http://seomoz.org Jane

    NSFW as it as, I compiled this for a project we use to work on…


  • http://adamcroft.com Adam Croft
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